How to Create The Perfect Guest List
All photos taken by yours truly, SariRisbeyPhotography
If you’re planning your wedding and aren’t sure how to put together a guest list that works, keep reading! This blog post has the advice you’ve been looking for to help you put together a guest list you’ll love.
Let’s start by acknowledging that guest lists are HARD! Between trying to stay in your budget, feeling like you need to be a people pleaser, and trying to figure out how close those distant friends really are, you’ll most definitely question your list a few times. Before I spill my tips, you should know that I believe the most important thing when planning your wedding is to remember that you’re the boss! One of the few regrets I have about my wedding (along with tons and tons of other couples) is the guest list I put together while trying to please other people but, if there is one good thing to come from that, it’s that I’m able to make sure that you don’t have that same regret!
Budget
Your budget is the first thing you should consider! Simply put, you need to stick to what you can afford. If you have a budget of $5,000.00 for food and drinks and inviting a few of your friends from high school that you haven’t seen in ten years would put you over budget, you might want to reconsider inviting them. Would you feel comfortable going into debt for them on any other occasion (or even overspending on them at all)? My guess is probably not, so why start now!
You’ll also need to keep in mind that the more people you invite, the bigger the venue you’ll need to book and, the bigger the venue, the bigger the price tag.
If you don’t have a specific budget set that you absolutely cannot afford to go over, it still doesn’t hurt to come up with an ideal amount that you’d like to spend for each component of your day (ex. venue, catering, drinks, etc.). Wedding expenses add up quickly and it’s always good to set financial limits, even if money is not a concern.
Avoiding debt as much as you can while organizing your wedding day is SO key! Being comfortable with the amount you spend will help cut stress and anxiety so that you can enjoy your day rather than resent it. Keeping your spending comfortable will also make sure that you’re starting your marriage on the right financial foot and as a bonus, you’ll more than likely be happier to have only the people that mean the most to you surround you on your day. Which leads me to my next tip…
People Pleasing And How to Pass on it
This is a trickier topic. It’s not quite as clear cut as your budget and, if you’re like me, you may have an extremely hard time with the idea of hurting someone else’s feelings. There are three big things I learned while putting together my guest list:
If the idea of not having someone at your wedding doesn’t hurt you, it probably won’t hurt them either.
If a friend or family member is pushing you to invite someone to your wedding, it’s likely because they themselves are trying to please someone (or have their own other reasons).
Just because they are related to you, doesn’t mean they are close enough to be added to your guest list.
Let’s dive into these a bit more!
If the idea of not have someone at your wedding doesn’t hurt you, it probably won’t hurt them either.
This is SOOOO true! Think about it from the guests’ point of view. If they receive an invite, will they be surprised that you included them? If they don’t get an invite, will they care? Think about your relationship with the potential guests as you work your way through your draft guest list. If it does not hurt you to imagine your wedding day without a certain guest, it’s probably because you’re not that close. If that’s the case, they probably feel the same way and will not be very bothered by your lack of invitation. Even if they are expecting an invitation, if you aren’t really phased about them not being at your wedding, you likely aren’t going to be very phased if they’re upset about not being invited (brutal honesty). On top of that, if they are upset about not being invited, you’re likely not close enough for them to bring it up anyway.
If a friend or family member is pushing you to invite someone to your wedding, it’s likely because they themselves are trying to please someone (or have their own other reasons).
Raise your hand if your parents have told you that it would be polite to invite their friends, or maybe even that nice neighbour kid that you used to spend time with (when you were thirteen lol)! I have learned that when someone pushes you to invite a guest to your wedding, it’s likely on their own agenda. This isn’t to say your parents/friends are evil and trying to manipulate you for their own gain, but it means that they themselves may be trying to people please or look out for the feelings of people who aren’t at all on your radar. They may also feel pressure to invite the people that surround them and are transferring that pressure onto you. Unfortunately, that leaves you feeling the need to invite these “randos” (for lack of a better term) in order to please your parents/friends. My advice is to envision your day! Think about yourself mingling during the reception trying to chat with each guest. Next up to greet is… one of the random guests you felt pressured to invite. Catching up with them takes away valuable time on your wedding day (and trust me, it’s SO valuable)! Stand your ground on this one and create the guest list that you want, not the guest list that your guests want.
Just because they are related to you, doesn’t mean they are close enough to be added to your guest list.
This one is self-explanatory. You may have an uncle that you see often and an uncle that you haven’t seen in ten years. It is perfectly okay to invite one and not the other! Just because you invite one, doesn’t mean you need to invite all. Family is no different from your other guests. Again, if it doesn’t hurt you to not have them there, it probably doesn’t hurt them either.
But Are we Really That Close?
I’ve saved the hardest part to figure out for last! You’re reading through your draft guest list and you see some names that are currently part of your life, but could easily make an exit at any time. Maybe they’re part of your recreational soccer team but you wouldn’t be likely to see them again if you were to quit the team. Do you invite them? If having them attend fits in your budget, you’ve got some thinking to do!
The two things to consider are:
Will they add anything to your day or make it more enjoyable for you?
If you need to take time out of your night to greet them/chat, would you mind?
If the person will make your day better, it might be worth inviting them, even if they may not be part of your life in five years from now. Maybe they’re a great person to hang around with but you’re not that close! If you feel like they’ll add value to your day, you might feel that it’s worthwhile to have them attend. If you don’t think they’ll add very much value, or if they are only coming to hang out with the rest of the soccer team and enjoy some free drinks (on you), then you might want to consider your decision a little bit more carefully.
Moving on to point number two, there’s a good chance you’ll make your rounds at your reception to chat with your guests. As I mentioned before, time flies on your wedding day and every moment is valuable! If a potential guest is just going to be a body to greet before the end of the night, you might decide to pass. Your wedding will be an emotional and personal day and, rather than filling up your venue with bodies, make sure you’re filling it up with the right people who love you and who you love most!
