Have You Ever Considered Why We Do Wedding Trends and Traditions?
All photos taken by yours truly, SariRisbeyPhotography
First dances, cake cutting, bouquet tosses, centrepieces, champagne towers…. why do we do them? Do we genuinely love them? Do we hate them? Do we even care about them? Or are we doing them because the last five weddings we attended had them? At the root of it, what’s up with these traditions and trends?
These questions didn't enter my mind until a few days before I got married but, hopefully, with the help of this blog post they’ll be on your mind much sooner!
Let’s start by agreeing that, when you get engaged, the wedding questions start pouring in from family and friends almost immediately and planning gets started with little to no time to actually consider what you truly want from your wedding. You set out to secure a date with a venue and from there it snowballs into a to-do list of things like picking your wedding colours and choosing a song for your father daughter dance. But does anyone stop to think about if they even want to do a father daughter dance?
Traditions
If you’re thinking “Whoa Sari! I wouldn’t diss my dad like that and toss out a father daughter dance!”, here’s the thing. There are countless ways to honour your parents at your wedding. If you are both dancers, or loved dancing together when you were little, or if dancing holds any meaning to your relationship, that’s amazing! Dance it up! But if dancing has no connection to your relationship or you feel weird about doing it, then why do it? With a bit of thoughtfulness, you can plan a moment to honour your parents (or do anything else throughout your day) that feels so much more aligned with you. Instead, schedule in ten minutes with your parents before the ceremony to have some time alone with them. Read them hand written notes, give them a gift, thank them or do whatever else you’d like. If you have a pastime that you love doing with them, maybe it’s playing tennis, go play a game with them the day before your wedding! If you’d like to honour them publicly, you can do that in your speech or think of other authentic ways to do so.
Maybe You Can Relate To This
Something that I hear at about 75% of the weddings I get to be part of is “what are we supposed to do?”. The couple is over by their cake with a knife in hand, looking at me, not really sure what the cake cutting is all about. I’m immediately sad whenever this happens! The couple used precious time in their timeline to schedule in cake cutting, but they’re not even clear on what the cake cutting tradition is. I explain that they should cut the cake together and their friends and family tell them to feed each other. Half of the time, the bride is uncomfortable and not wanting to ruin her expensive makeup (I feel that lol)!
This situation happens SO often and it brings my heart down for my couple because I was that bride too! I asked my photographer what the cake cutting was all about as Marcus and I were standing there holding the knife and now when I look back on that part of my wedding day, I think “Well that was weird” when I could have spent that ten minutes making a much better memory. There are many things I would have rather done! But hindsight is 20/20.
There is no right or wrong way to do your wedding, but my hope for all of the engaged couples out there is that they’ll always be able to look back on their day and feel so connected to their memories and their photos. I truly think that this happens by allowing yourself to be in the moment, and planning a day that fully connects to and represents you. The little moments and memories are what makes up your big day.
Trends
Trends are a bit different than traditions. While traditions seem to stand the test of time, trends come and go. Each year brings on new wedding trends like dress styles, colour palettes, and fun entertaining ideas for your guests like champagne towers. There are tons and tons of photography trends that come and go each year too! When you look at your parents’ wedding photos and you see the puffy curly hair and even puffier dress sleeves, you know it was the 80’s. When you see photos that are all black and white except for the bouquet which is in full colour, you know it was probably 2005.
Trends tend to put a time stamp on your photos and, to be honest, they’re not really my thing. They’re loved while they’re in and hated when they’re out. Right now, you might have noticed that blurry photos are one of the “it things”, but in 20 years when your kids look through your wedding gallery, they might wonder why you paid a pro to take blurry photos, and you might wonder too! That’s not to knock photographers who take trendy photos! There is a big difference between an artful and skillfully captured blurred photo and a photo that is just not taken right, but it’s still a trend that will pass and that you may love now but may not love later.
On the flip side, you might feel super drawn to a trend, and maybe that’s because it’s a trend that was made for you! If you’re a champagne lover through and through and you’re down to have all eyes on you, maybe pouring champagne over a tower of glasses is a great thing to include in your day! Or maybe, you can even add your own twist to it.
So how do i know which trends and traditions to include?
The simple answer is that you need to make time to slow down and consider your plans. Think about all of the things that you’re currently planning to include in your day and ask yourself why those things are going to hold space on your timeline and in your memories. Do you love it? Do you want to include it because your guests will think it’s cool? Because your friend did it at her wedding? Because you think you have to? Then, go even further! If you decide that you love it… why?
As your photographer, I care so much about your memories. It’s my job to document and preserve those special moments and interactions for you, so of course my couples and their wedding days hold special place in my heart. I want you to love your memories not just because I did a stellar job documenting them, but also because they’re timeless memories that mean so much to you. As a previous bride, I learned a little bit too late about what actually matters at your wedding.
While I was giving my thank you speech at my wedding, I remember mentioning to my guests that I had spent so much time thinking about things that then seemed silly. Looking out at my audience, I didn’t really give a sh#t about my centrepieces or a handful of other things that I had put considerable time and energy into. That still makes me sad to this day! I was STREEESSED about things that didn’t end up making a difference to me.
Remember this
Trends and traditions can be so much fun! Keeping traditions is what makes a wedding feel like a wedding to some people, or maybe it helps their wedding become the one they’ve always dreamed of, and there is nothing wrong with that. My hope is that this blog post will help you to slow down and plan a more authentic day that feels so aligned with you! Create the day you want. Include the things you love and exclude what you don’t. Remember, the only thing that actually has to happen on your wedding day is the legal part of it, the rest is up to you.
